K-Day One


Here I am in hospital! After a check-in process that involved filling in eleventy-thousand forms, all containing the exact same information as the other eleventy-thousand forms that I had already filled in online.

Filling in all the forms caused my back to start spasming. Yay.

(Spoonie life: that sinking feeling when somebody asks you to list your medications *. I always want to say ‘You might want to sit down, this could take some time. Now would you like it alphabetically, head-to-toe, by symptoms or … autobiographically?’)

I have a nice roomie who has had the infusion before – very happy to have access to her experience! Also very nice staff. The hospital itself seems pleasant, complete with a patient lounge with tea and coffee! Nothing but the best …

I also have a new best friend. I call him Neville. Neville is my IV stand. He will be with me day and night for the next few days.


Say hi, Neville.

Getting to the bathroom will involve me doing quite a complicated twist-and-lunge-with-cable-waltz manoeuvre to unplug Neville, and the same in reverse to plug him in again. Luckily I do yoga?

Neville is slowly dripping ketamine into the cannula on my hand. Warning for the faint hearted: this is a picture of my cannula. **


The amount of ketamine I’m getting is starting at a low level to be increased very slowly: I’ve had it for, ooh, ten minutes now and feeling perfectly normal.

Which is good because I’ve been warned so far about such delights as hallucinations, increased blood pressure, dizziness and nausea. Not that they will happen, just that they might. Woo hoo.

Now the really important information that I know you’ve been waiting for: evening meal no.1. A creamy chicken and veg casserole which is really quite good, asparagus (tinned) and pumpkin, and mashed potatoes which are really really good considering there’s no way they are not instant. ***

And – be still my beating heart – JELLY. Red jelly. I am so happy. ****


Aw, yes.

So that’s my first day. They will leave the ketamine level as it is overnight so I expect a fairly normal sort of evening, pending whatever effect that red jelly that I just hoofed down will have on my red-food-colouring-deprived system.

More tomorrow if I’m up to it.
* Also they never give you enough room to write them all down. Three or four sheets should do it.

** And I’m not giving it a name.

*** There should be a special word for the unexpected deliciousness of a food that you know is not exactly gourmet or even good for you, but it’s just completely amazing in a really retro way. Perhaps something like ‘broomptious’.

**** It is TOTALLY broomptious.


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